Bebi
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Tell me this won't happen to us!TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report
that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she
cried. The dispatchersaid, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She got in the back seat by mistake."
FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of
the bath?" The 94- year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up
and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the
stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table
having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I
sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at
the door."
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man
chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
SUPERSEX
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown
and say Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.
Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently
for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was
falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss
me "Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the
cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said:
"Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed
clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few
times a week to play cards One day they were playing cards when
one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know
we've been friends for a long time...but I just can't think of your name!
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me
what your name is." Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came
to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on
through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I
must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red
light." After a few more minutes, theycame to another intersection
and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman
in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was
really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on
through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you
know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Ohmygosh! Am I driving?"
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