FrankBlunt
|
Lounge ParodiesBon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer" is a song that I often sing in the shower. Following the title line, I shout in the manner of a televangelist with a southern drawl... "Hallelujah! Bless Jesus! Let me hear ya say Jesus! JAY-YAY-YAY-SUS! I love to torture my neighbors first thing in the morning, but I alleviate any blameworthiness by holding the property managers responsible by not sound-proofing during construction.
Grammatically enhanced and modified for lounge format as:
"Thriving With Belief"
Thomas had a harbor career:
Union grievance filed,
Misfortune befell...oh dear, so queer.
Gina is a waitress by trade
Labor is a chore, bi-monthly she's paid
By law - State law
She said it's best to retain that which we've made.
Although it's inconsequential
If we brighten or fade.
We have each other which compliments
Our love - we're premium grade.
Chorus:
Whoa, we'll turn a new leaf
Whoa, Thriving With Belief
Here's my foot, it's to kick you - Good grief!
Whoa, Thriving With Belief
Thomas pawned his guitar for cash,
Though he's investing that which he can.
Sold short on stock - mad dash... so rash.
Gina dreams of Tupperware sales.
When she sobs in the eve,
Thomas utters, "Madam, you'll fail." She wails.
It's best to retain that which we've made.
Although it's inconsequential
If we brighten or fade.
We have each other which compliments
Our love - we're premium grade.
[Repeat Chorus]
We have to endure, expectant of gloom,
Those pyramid schemes can spell financial doom.
|
FrankBlunt
|
I Got A Couch:
Parody of "You Raise Me Up" by Brendan Graham and Rolf Løvland
I'm unemployed; my folding chairs aren't comfy;
The bed sores form, so sitting bothers me;
Then, I must stand and wait here at my doorstep,
'Til Goodwill comes with furniture for free.
[Chorus]
I got a couch, so I can sit on my a--.
Please leave the room, so I can masturbate.*
I am king, when I control the remote;
My glass is dry... go pour another beer.
[Repeat Chorus]
[Repeat... AGAIN?!]
[No more! WTF, man?! You guys hit by deadlines or what? Ever heard of a bridge? You know, with the key change? Sheesh!]
Please walk behind... I'm tryin' to watch TV.
*Replace masturbate with "Watch the game" if you're one of those goody-two-shoes types who's afraid of offending audience members at karaoke bars, which tend to be 21 and over, by the way. I think they can handle it. 
|
FrankBlunt
|
"A Flabby Blob"
By Brian Kruse
(Parody of Billy Joel's "Piano Man", because he dared to sing about the act of singing and playing the piano in a song about him being the piano man.)
It's 12 o'clock on a Saturday;
The volleyball team's getting set.
There's a fat man sunning on the beach
Burning parts that he's sure to regret.
I said, "Sir, you should cover your derrière.
I know that you're cooked by my nose.
All that blubbery meat's
Gonna broil in the heat
If you don't consider some clothes."
Bridge:
Blob, flabby blob, flabby blob.
Blob blob, flabby blob,
Blob blob.
Chorus:
Don't wear a thong, you're a flabby blob;
Spare us that frightening view,
'Cause we're gettin' prepared to eat chicken wings.
Our lawyer friend's liable to sue.
The lifeguard named Dave was a helpful man;
He taught CPR for free.
And he'd watch women swim
If attractive to him,
Men in need found an unanswered plea.
I said, "Dave, I think you're a misogynist,"
As he grinned with delight like a rat,
"Well I'm sure I'd find women more interesting
If they weren't so conscious of fat."
[Repeat Bridge]
Now Bob is a steroidal junkie
Who spends every day at the gym,
And he's talking with Shirley who looks pretty girly
and translates to jail bait for him.
And the yuppies are running in jogging suits,
as the flabby blob slowly gets burned.
Yes, their thunder thighs shake on the sandy shore
But the wise heads have already turned.
[Repeat Chorus]
It's a fairly nice beach for a barbecue,
But the flabby blob's face rubs me wrong;
'Cause he knows what I said 'bout his blubbery burns
Though he's still wearing only the thong.
And the barbecue smells like a chicken wing,
And the flabby blob looks like a beast.
And he lays on the beach bent on cooking himself
I said "Please, wear some clothes as we feast!"
[Repeat Bridge]
[Repeat Chorus]
|
|
|
|