Bebi
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Answering Machine at the Mental HospitalAnswering Machine at the Mental Hospital
> "Hello and welcome to Tower County Mental Health Hospital:"
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay
> on the line so we can trace your call.
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
> mother ship.
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
> you which number to press.
> If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
> press, no one will answer.
> If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
> If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until
> a representative comes on the line.
> If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-
> l-l-y press 0-0-0
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep, or before
> the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have > short-
> term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
> press 9.
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too
> busy to talk to you.
> If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> You won't be crazy forever.
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
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