Saving Trees, Bilingualism, and Various Unrelated Ramblings

FrankBlunt

Sheryl Crow's blog entry became national, if not international, news in regard to saving trees. There's nothing I can say to heighten her humiliation or shame, so below is my sensible alternative inspired by her stupidity.

After washing your hands in public, make fists with your hands and fling your fingers toward the sink basin. Repeat a few times, then use one paper towel instead of three or four.

My second tip relates to bilingualism, and I have it on good authority from a Filipino woman that my technique rings true. To speak the two main dialects of Tagalog fluently, follow the steps below:

Dialect 1: Say Taka (Tah-kah) in rapid succession to include yourself in conversations from which you would otherwise be excluded.

Sample conversation: Taka taka taka taka taka...

It's that easy. Just imagine all the new friends you're going to make.

Dialect 2: Follow the steps above, but replace "Taka" with Duh-buh. If you are met with frowns or furrowed brows in the wake of a Taka or Duh-buh discourse, switch immediately to the alternative dialect.

The various, unrelated ramblings are up to you. Please help keep this thread alive with mildly offensive advice for improved social interaction or semi-useful tips for daily living.

FrankBlunt · Posted: Tue May 15, 2007 8:09 pm Post subject:

Below is one of my unrelated ramblings.

If someone were to tell you that filet mignon was the most reasonable and economical method of elevating your protein consumption, how would you react?

When I saw one of those home remedy gurus pouring vodka on the underarms of a t-shirt to remove stains that standard washing and bleaching could not tackle effectively, I shook my head.

First of all, the byproducts of fermented potatoes ultimately distilled are not the reason why the process is successful. It's simply the alcohol, and vodka hardly contains the highest proof. Second, vodka is potable while the rubbing alcohol that sits virtually unused in your medicine cabinet for years is not. Third, manufacturers of potent potables have sufficient marketing budgets to contract lifestyle gurus for the purpose of duping people into believing that there's only one means to a particular end. The bottlers and distributors of Isopropyl / rubbing alcohol do not. It was no accident that the name brand of the vodka was shown distinctly during the broadcast.

I've salvaged shirts with rubbing alcohol that I would otherwise have had to discard. I'm not an expert in chemistry or the properties of fiber, but I believe what happens to shirts is similar to shampooed carpets. The deodorant / anti-perspirant residue becomes a trap for the dead bacteria, body oil, and waste that collects in that area of one's shirts.

Perhaps the greatest advantage of the rubbing alcohol is that it's color-safe where pure bleach obviously is not.