Men strike back!

Bebi · Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 1:26 pm Post subject: Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
A woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
Walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
Gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

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It is those who are perfectly sane who are driven the maddest by an insane world...

There is method behind my madness

Bebi · Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:35 pm Post subject:

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."

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Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is
lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London.
I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want
to see how you live on £800 a year".

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

_________________
It is those who are perfectly sane who are driven the maddest by an insane world...

There is method behind my madness